hold my boobies

sydneyalex:

what is WRONG with me right now?!

I keep watching this and see it as a flash to the future when Kurt and Blaine find out their son or daughter is no longer a virgin.

Kurt’s eyes widen as he starts thinking about that soon he’s going to be a grandpa and his hair will go gray and then it hits him that holy shit, not virgin means sex, his baby had sex with someone and he hasn’t given the ‘you matter’ speech yet.

and Blaine’s just: didn’t I just teach you how to ride a bike last week?

omg write it pls

So surprise! I wrote it.

It’s late one Saturday afternoon when Kurt decides that the house needs straightening up, much to Blaine’s chagrin because he had every intention of getting lucky. With Elizabeth out for the afternoon and Jack back in Chicago for college, it would have been the perfect window to have some alone time, but Kurt sees it as a completely different opportunity. So Blaine shuffles behind him like a pouty kid who didn’t get his way, picking up this and that and half-dusting what Kurt points out. They then split themselves up between the kids’ rooms to straighten up and grab laundry: Blaine in Jack’s room and Kurt in Elizabeth’s. Blaine was admiring his sons ever growing record collection (which couldn’t be taken to school with him) when he hears Kurt yelp.

“Kurt?!” He calls, making his way through the door and down the hallway until he’s inside the yellow walls of Elizabeth’s room. “Baby, what’s wrong?” But Kurt ignores him. He’s on his hands and knees, his forearms shoved under Elizabeth’s bed as he digs and pulls things out. Blaine looks at the pile that’s accumulated: hair ties, a water bottle, an old dance costume, some guitar picks, an old bra or two, some empty makeup jars. His eyes widen when he catches the last few items. There’s a round container of pills and an open pack of Trojan condoms (and some thrown about) sitting on top. “W-what’s going on?”

Kurt finally pulls himself away when Blaine assumes the whole bed has been cleared. He runs a hand over his red face (which Blaine can’t tell if it’s from anger or embarrassment or disappointment or something else) and sits heavily back on his heels. “Look at this,” he says, gesturing to the pile.

“I’m looking,” Blaine says because he doesn’t know what else to say. He clears his throat and says, “Do you think she…” But cuts off when his brain catches up to what he’s about to say.

“Well, I don’t know, Blaine. When we were 17 did we use condoms as balloons?” Kurt huffs, his eyes wide. Blaine gets the point and shuts his mouth. “Why wouldn’t she talk to us about this?” he says quieter and now Blaine can tell that his husband is disappointed, but also very hurt.

They hear the door slam from downstairs and a set of keys hit the bowl in the foyer. “I’m home!” Calls Elizabeth, and then her feet are climbing the stairs. Though they know they’re nowhere near ready to talk about this, they have no choice but to start as soon as their daughter freezes in her room’s doorway. There’s a beat of silence and then, “What are you guys doing in my room?”

Blaine looks at his daughter and almost cries. It’s like he can’t catch a break. His little girl is constantly growing before him and he just can’t stop time from moving too quickly.

In contrast to Blaine’s kicked puppy look, Kurt’s jaw is set and he looks like a vaguely displaced lion. His eyes are strong, but Blaine can see the gears moving in his head; he knows his husband’s not as put together as he wants them to think.

Elizabeth fidgets under her dads’ eyes. She keeps her eyes to the ground, avoiding the pile of birth control three feet from her and blushes a bright pink whenever she accidentally scans it.

“I think we need to talk about some things,” Kurt finally speaks up to say. “Have a seat.”

She gulps but perches herself on the edge of her bed. Kurt hopes she can’t tell that he’s making it all up as he goes along, trying to channel one Burt Hummel for support. Blaine just clears his throat, still thinking about how just last week he taught a five year old Elizabeth to ride a bike.

“First, I just want to say that we’re really disappointed in you, Elizabeth.” She opens her mouth but Kurt cuts her off with, “not even for having sex in the first place, but for hiding it from us.” And then his tone softens just as it had earlier. “Why did you feel you couldn’t just talk to us about it?”

And when it’s Elizabeth’s turn to speak, she can’t. She opens her mouth but nothing comes out, so she hangs her head and merely whispers a weak “I’m sorry.”

Blaine lowers himself and tips her chin gently with his hands. “Look, Elle,” a deep breath, “I don’t think I will ever get used to this, and I’d really rather not know, but I do now. I just… we need to know: did Matt pressure you into this at all?”

Elizabeth’s eyes widen a fraction. “No! Absolutely not. No. It was- it was my idea.”-Kurt cringed- “I just brought it up and it just happened. But neither of us pressured the other. We love each other.”

“And your father and I don’t doubt that for a second, Elizabeth, and we’re really glad you were protected and did it responsibly, but there are other things you need to know.” Kurt gathers all the Burt Hummel he can before speaking again. “This is doing things to your heart and your body, and also to Matt’s. You both need to know what this means. You matter, okay? Don’t ever feel like you have to do this with anyone until you’re ready to completely give yourself to them. I guess that ship has sailed this time, but for future reference, okay?”

She looks at him with bright green eyes and nods. “I’m sorry. I should have talked to you about this. I just thought if I brought it up you’d keep me virginal until I was like, 35 or something,” she chuckles.

“Nonsense,” Blaine smiled, “At 30 we would have happily unlocked the chastity belt and handed you to Matt.”

Kurt snorts and rolls his eyes at his husbands joke, grabbing his hand and stepping closer. “You’re grounded,” he says. “For a week.”

“That’s fair,” she huffs.

“Hmm, clean your room, put your things,” he gestures to the pile of contraceptives, “somewhere safe.”

She nods silently again.

“One more thing, Elle,” Blaine states. His daughter looks up at him expectantly. “We want you to be safe where you do this, too. So only here or Matt’s house. And we ask that you please be respectful. Matt can be here when we go out, but we need to know when that happens, okay?”

Elizabeth nods and blushes deep red. Blaine hopes that the thought of having to tell her parents when she’ll be having sex will stop the action all together.

“Think about what I said,” Kurt says before closing the door and following Blaine back downstairs.

“I think we did that well for having absolutely no time to prepare,” Blaine says and pulls his husband close to his side, nuzzles his temple and plants a kiss there.

“I need a drink,” Kurt states and disconnects from Blaine to head for the kitchen. Blaine smiles and follows.